Hi Jesus. Thanks for your submission to eTutoring! My name is Caroline.
You have an interesting paper here. It’s clear that you are very involved in the subject material, and have done a lot of thinking about it. But it doesn’t match the assignment description you gave to eTutoring. Did you perhaps submit a different paper to eTutoring by mistake? If not, take another look at the assignment, which asks you to compare an aspect of interpersonal communication in three different cultures. (The only culture I see described in your paper is your own, which is presumably North American.)
I have given you a number of comments (in [boldface brackets like this]) in your paper about logic, grammar, punctuation, etc.; these should help you with your writing in general. You can resubmit a paper to eTutoring for a total of three reviews; of course, if it turns out that you need to write an entirely new paper, you can submit that paper as a new submission.
Good luck, and thanks again!
Intimacy and Distance
Name: Jesus Soto
Course: Interpersonal Communication
Date: March 16, 2015
School: Spokane Falls Community College
INTIMACY AND DISTANCE
The importance of effective communication goes beyond simple sharing of information to deep and broad sharing of our personal how about [ß what is “personal how about”? is this a mistyping, or is there missing text here?] with others. This particularly centers on the art of self-disclosure, which entails communicating of private information about ourselves to others. This week’s reading was very interesting in unfolding the art of self-disclosure in a myriad of ways, including sharing of secrets (Warren, 2015), interpersonal communication (which encompass [ß “encompasses,” not “encompass”] open communication) and the human’s buggy moral code [ß do you mean that the moral code of humans is buggy? And do you mean “buggy” in the software sense, not the insect sense or the old-fashioned-carriage sense?] which reviewed on [ß delete “on”] predictable irrationality such as cheating (Ariely, 2015). Although all these were very interesting and resourceful, I was deeply attracted in [ß you can be “attracted to” someone or something, but not “attracted in”] exploring interpersonal communication. This discussion seeks to analyze the article “Self-Disclosure in Interpersonal Communication” [ß you don’t have to use italics for article titles, just quotes] by John Pekker, through comparing and contrasting it with the week’s readings. The article is accessible via http://interpersonal-compatibility.blogspot.com/2012/07/self-disclosure-in-interpersonal.html. Most importantly the analysis shall focus on my view of intimacy and distance, in the context of self-disclosure.
Comparing and contrasting the article’s findings to that of this week’s reading.
The article ““Self-Disclosure in Interpersonal Communication” has findings that coincide with the weeks [ß you’ve got the correct possessive for this earlier, but it needs to be fixed here: “week’s”] reading. For instance, its definition of self-disclosure marries perfectly [ß marries perfectly with what?] and re-affirms that the information we share with/to others is intended to help them understand us better (YouTube, 2015). [ß Really? Aren’t there also other reasons we might share info with others? To entertain, to educate, to guilt-trip, etc.?] The author also acknowledges that self-disclosure comes with costs and benefits, which he refers to as ‘rewards’. [ß Use double quotes, not single quotes. Also, put the period inside the quote marks.] As featured in the weeks reading, self-disclosure aims at, and initiates the building of [ß you used a parenthetical comma after “at” so you need a closing one here; see also http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm ] intimate relationships regardless of the distance between the concerned parties. This is, however, [ß nice use of the parenthetical comma here!] pointed out to be a gradual process. Last but not least, the article concurs with the weeks reading that self-disclosure entails both broad and deep sharing of information. All these uphold the reciprocity and intimacy attached to self-disclosure where the receiving part also self-discloses to the first party, leading to a very close relationship.
However, the article differs in an argument with the weeks reading by ushering in a new concept of the Johari window, which elaborates on how much we know about ourselves as well as how much others know about us. This is a window with four ‘panes’ of information:
- Open Pane – Known to self / known to others.
- Hidden Pane- Information Open to Self / Hidden from others.
- Blind Pane- Blind to self / Seen by others.
- Unknown Pane– information Unknown to self and unknown to others, e.g. Hidden or unexplored talents
The article, in contrast to the weeks reading [ß You make frequent reference to whether your chosen article matches or doesn’t match the other readings you did in a certain week. If you are not going to explicitly compare and contrast all of these papers, you don’t need to keep bringing up all those other papers that you’re not actually going to discuss in detail.] explores the aspect of self-disclosure in the digital age, such as sharing information online and the like, [ß delete “and the like” – this is just filler] which unveils that people are freer to share their inner selves to other [ß to others?] online after a long period of interaction but tend to cheat in the short run. Lastly but not least, [ß Make your terms match in form: either “last but not least” (preferred) or “lastly but not leastly”] the author unveils another concept of self-disclosure when he unfolds that competent communicators are usually selective when it comes to self-disclosure. Thus, they tend to make calculated choices with positive, as well as the negative outcomes of disclosure in mind. In such a case, this becomes a self – description rather than disclosure and contrasts the social penetration theory (Interpersonal-compatibility.blogspot.com, 2012). [ß I don’t know what the social-penetration theory is, so I don’t know from your paper alone how it contrasts with the Pekker paper.]
Reflection (with specific examples) on how interpersonal communication has impacted my life
I am naturally an outspoken person, although at instances [ß choose either “at times” or “in certain instances”] I find myself conservative with [ß “conservative about”] what I share with others even after a long period of interaction. I have a feeling that this hinder [ß “hinders” not “hinder”] my social skills be it at home, with friends or even at the workplace; [ß replace semicolon with a comma] thus preventing me from benefiting from others’ ideas about different aspects of life. Building [a] working intimate relationship with my spouse has been trouble, [ß “has been difficult”] especially due to the fact that I tend to restrict myself from being open when communication [ß “when communicating”] over a long distance, especially when I leave home. This has been troubling my love life, but with the week’s readings, I have a reason to smile since the concepts highlighted have been resourceful and as outlined in the following section, I shall take a life-changing step to integrate the concepts of open interpersonal communication in the rest of my life. In a nutshell, I find myself shying away from communicating my troubles with others, which has made me suffer considerably. However, from the readings, I have realized the power of communication to make things brighter through being open.
How I shall integrate interpersonal communication as an area of self-disclosure into my life, so as to become a competent communicator
This week’s readings, as well as the article I chose, have been a mind opener to my conscience in a couple of ways. [ß Are you opening your mind, or your conscience? Pick one.] For instance, I have come to appreciate the power of establishing intimate relationships through beating even the barriers of distance through a simple open interpersonal communication approach. This way, I shall ensure that I employ the concept of social penetration theory in various life contexts in which I interact with people and reap benefits at the cost of self-disclosure (Wikispaces.com, 2015). This could be at the job place, at home or even when hanging out with friends. It is through such measures; then I shall [ß “It is through such measures, then, that I shall”] unfold the potential and the power of open [ß openness?] as well as effective communication to work to my advantage and to that of others as well (Interpersonal-compatibility.blogspot.com, 2012). Generally speaking, I shall seek to use both self-description and self-disclosure in the appropriate context of interaction to preserve a good public relation with the wider human society. I shall put emphasis on narrowing distance between my spouse and I to become more intimate through nothing but simply openness. Thanks to the readings. [ß This last is a sentence fragment: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm]
Interpersonal-compatibility.blogspot.com,. (2012). Self-Disclosure in Interpersonal Communication – Interpersonal Communication, Relations, and Compatibility. [ß No italics needed for article titles.] Retrieved 7 March 2015, from http://interpersonal-compatibility.blogspot.com/2012/07/self-disclosure-in-interpersonal.html
Warren, F. (2015). [ß Use his full name, since it is available in the URL] Half a million secrets. Ted.com. Retrieved 7 March 2015, from http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/frank_warren_half_a_million_secrets.html%20
YouTube,. (2015). Interpersonal Communication: Self-Disclosure. Retrieved 7 March 2015, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8p2dYpeO6U&feature=player_embedded
Wikispaces.com, 2015). Retrieved 7 March 2015, from http://iupuic180online.wikispaces.com/Disclosure
Ariely, D. [ß Use his full name, since it is available in the URL] (2015). Our buggy moral code. Ted.com. Retrieved 7 March 2015, from http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_ariely_on_our_buggy_moral_code.html